Monday, October 19, 2009

Dear Buck...

Many years ago, I was deeply in love with a “straight” guy whom I moved a couple of thousand miles and across about six states to be with, but let’s not go there! Needless to say that he used to tell me he could never get into the “ass-fucking” a guy thing, and the only way he could ever see himself settling down with a guy is if he had a pussy. And there you have it...I was his best friend and confidante, closer to him than most of the girls he ever screwed. But as long as I had just an ass and a dick, we could never be as “tight” as I wanted to be with him.

But it got me thinking...I had dated a few girls before learning to accept myself as a gay man. I’ve even had sex with a couple. But what would it be be able to have a hot guy for a lover who actually had a pussy? Alas, I would never know what that would feel like...but thanks to you, I now know that it’s possible.

Titan has long been one of my favorite companies. As a writer of stroke fiction and a gay porn movie reviewer, I’ve seen a wide range of stuff. As a video store clerk at a place that sold all kinds of adult vids, I thought I’d seen it all. But that was before I saw the previews to something called CIRQUE NOIR. Now, I am usually a “vanilla” kind of guy. I like hot, straight-ahead sex with just that little twist of ‘kink’ every now and then. I don’t do the FALLEN ANGEL stuff – leather, live, real-time piercings, fisting, spitting, piss-drinking...none of that is on my menu. And no, I’ve never seen CIRQUE NOIR all the way through, either. But I couldn’t stop thinking about YOU. I knew about MTF and FTM transsexuals, and knew a lot more about MTF’s than their counterparts, mostly because there are MTF videos and movies galore. I mean, some of them even have roles on mainstream entertainment, both in movies and on TV! But before you, the butchest and closest celeb to anything that might be FTM – at least for me – was k.d. Lang, and she’s still physically a woman – as far as I know.

But you are the first, ‘in-ya-face’, straight up FTM I have ever seen who left me with my mouth open, my dick raging hard...and wanting to know more about FTM ‘tranny men.’ It’s spellbinding, confounding...and hot as hell! I think the last time I had a reaction like this was when I first heard “Lola” by The Kinks. You are as revolutionary to the porn world as that song was to rock. There will be many imitators that follow, but only one original.

I hear you about moving out of the United States. It’s my home country, but I don’t think it’s ever been as much of a fucking mess as it is right this minute. As a black man, as a gay man, as a BLACK GAY MAN in an interracial relationship...I often wonder what kind of a future my partner and I will have, if things keep going the way they have been. If I had the money and the resources to get us both the fuck out of here, to move to Amsterdam or Berlin or the Spanish coast or hell...just anywhere but here, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Right now, I would just settle for the courage to be myself with everyone, and fuck what anybody else thinks. And that’s why I admire you as much for what you have accomplished, as I do for that sizzling hot stud body you’ve built with a little “some’n-some’n” extra. I will probably be a member of your website by the time you get this, and I am sorry that things are so extreme here in AmeriKKKa right now, that you possibly felt the need to get out just to insure your own personal safety. I’m sorrier still that because of that, I might never get the chance to meet you in person. But I did want to let you know that if your intention was to educate as well as fascinate and titillate, you have succeeded beyond your wildest least with one guy!

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